August 6, 2018 I stood in front of our family and closest friends and I vowed to love this man through thick and thin, better or worse. I have never wanted something more in my life, to be this man’s wife. Being loved by him has been something I never thought I would ever get to experience in my life, but then God said to hold on. And held on is what I did…I waited until he brought us together. Then I prayed every step of the way for his guidance on how to love you, how to show you what I needed in a relationship and how to hold you accountable for your actions. It all came together, and I thought that nothing could top the day he got down on one knee and asked me to be his forever….but I was wrong. That day, one year ago, when my coordinator said, “it’s time” and I instantly broke down. I walked down that aisle, with my father guiding me to you and in that moment I knew that every heartache, every tear, every prayer, all of it would be to bring me to that exact moment. I was so present in that moment, I took it all in and it felt incredible. There is so much buildup to a wedding that you fear once it gets here it will just fly by….and it does. Then life goes back to normal and you start to find your groove as a married couple. They say the first year of marriage is the hardest, mostly in part because you are learning to become “one” yet still establishing your new you! You are also learning a lot about each other, especially if you didn’t live tighter prior to marriage. Brian and I had been living together for a few years before getting married but it still felt different after the wedding. It felt secure, it felt bonded, I don’t know…it just felt like the right thing. But I’ll be the first to tell you that it takes WORK!!!! And that is what I wanted to write about for our first year. I asked Brian if he would chat with me about the first year of our marriage….good and bad. Thankfully Brian knows how much being transparent is important to me so he makes sure to not hold back!! So here is our take on the first year of marriage.
Lissa: Hey babe
Lissa: Are you excited about doing this with me?
Biran: Very, very much so
Lissa: Alright cool, so i’m going to dive right in…what do you think was the most challenging part of our first year?
Brian: I would say the most challenging part of our first year was trying to find out how to resolve conflicts without arguing or blowing up at each other.
Lissa: Ok, how do you think we faired?
Brian: I think we did pretty good, I mean I don’t know if it’s something you can do a 1-10 scale on. I think it’s more so a willingness to get know the other person. When you have two people who communicate very differently, it’s never a matter of good or bad but it’s more about a desire to want to understand the other person.
Lissa: I guess for me I would say the hardest part of this first year was finding enough time for ourselves while raising kids and being grandparents. We go on date nights, but making sure we are present with each other is something I always think about. We don’t have traditional beginnings so we went in this marriage a ready made family.
Brian: What’s one thing you want us to improve on for next year?
Lissa: Working on our communication. I never want us to stop working on that because that is such an important part of most marriages. Once you stop trying to communicate, that is usually when most people check out!
Brian: I would say just focusing on still encouraging each other to be individuals. We are good at doing that now but I want to make sure we continue working on it and taking our ambitions and passions to the next level, whether it be business, educational or personal development.
Lissa: What has been the best part of marriage this first year?
Brian: Coming home and spending time with you everyday. It’s something that sounds so simple but you literally become the best part of my day, everyday… I look forward any and every activity we might do on any given day. From cooking dinner to doing a photoshoot or going to the gym, I just look forward to tackling the day with you. That is something I get up every morning looking forward to, i’m a simple guy.
Lissa: For me it has been going to sleep in an Ice cold room, getting underneath the covers as I wait for you to climb into bed and cuddle up on me instantly bringing me comfort and warmth. I say it to you a lot but it is the coziest, best feeling in the world to climb into bed with you every night as we leave behind the day and look forward to a new one together.
Lissa: (Had another question pop up so I skipped his turn to ask it lol!!) What do you love best about me?
Brian: Does it have to be one thing?? I’m still very much in love with your heart and your kind spirit. I’ve never known anyone with so much love to give, like constantly. You are never tired of giving yourself to the ones you love. And for me obviously that results in being taken care of mentally and physically…in the absolute best way.
Lissa: Your kindness. I used to think it was an act to get me to fall for you faster lol, but I know it Is who you are. You are so meticulous with making sure my needs are met in every possible way!! I am always in awe of it and honestly it makes me want to be a better person. I guess that is what this marriage thing is supposed to do, right? Cause if so, then we are on the right track babe.
Biran: How do you think i’ve grown this year?
Lissa: You have always taken your role of a provider seriously but this year when you vowed to love us and take care of us, you went above and beyond that. I’ve watched as you have honored what you say, and let your actions back up your words! Always the truest of gentlemen, I’ve never seen you out of character. What you see, truly is what you get and I have watched you bite the bullet in situations you wanted out of, all for the sake of making sure we are good. You are the real definition of what a husband is supposed to be!
Brian: In the first year of marriage you have shown me what it truly means to have someone who has your back 100% of the time. Since i’ve known you i’ve always known you to be a phenomenal caretaker and this last year no matter what is going on with you personally or what is going on with you physically you always make sure I have everything I need, as well as everyone else in our family. You are always giving me all the love I need, running a household, and at the same time running your businesses so you can help contribute to our family.
Lissa: What advice would you give couples who get married and fear that sex will change? And is that something you also feared?
Brian: Never forget why you were initially attracted to your partner and always make it a point to compliment your partner and remind them why you are attracted to them. Also don’t forget what your partner found attractive in YOU. It isn’t something I fear but it’s something that is present in my mind, For that reason, I always make it a point to let my wife know just how sexy she is.
Lissa: I would say that life can take over, if we allow it. Physical intimacy was something that once you didn't want to live without. Don’t take your partner for granted and let life happen. Make sure sex is just as important as it was in the beginning. Yes I understand we all have our days when we aren’t feeling it, and that is perfectly normal and okay. Just don’t let those moments become more frequent than the intimacy. I always want my husband to know how attracted I am to him, but he also makes it easy for me to be attracted. He still chases me like he did before he got me. He still makes me feel like he can’t take his hands off of me, so that makes it even easier to desire him! But also he is beautiful from the inside out…and I never let him forget that!
Lissa: How do you make sure you stay focused on your partner? I ask this because I was asked to describe what it is I do that makes you look at me as madly in love as you do lol!
Brian: Every morning I wake up and I say that I love you, but I may not say it to you because I am literally thinking of how much I love you and why I love you. I have fun with you, I laugh with you, you make me laugh…and no matter how my day is going you know how to even me out. You can calm me down, cheer me up, encourage me, you congratulate me when others don’t. It’s good having someone that can give you the things you need and it just makes you want to be around that person all of the time.
Lissa: I make a choice to stay focused because you are important to me. I love being with you, whether it’s hanging out on the couch, out to dinner, or the movies, even grocery shopping…I just love your company. So I make sure when you get home that you are seen, and heard…even when I get distracted by a million in one things lol. I still make sure it all goes back to you.
Lissa: Ok so to wrap this up, is there anything else you’d like to share about our first year as Mr and Mrs?
Brian: I would say to cherish your partner. Make sure they are at the top of your priorities, but more then letting them know it make sure they also feel it. A big part of why I love my wife is because there is never a second of any day that I feel like she’s not my #1 advocate. Sometimes the day to day can get grueling but you have to make sure you let that person know that they are your everything. That is what I think about everyday..I just want you to know i’m here with you in the present.
Lissa: And that right there is why I married you!! You are not ashamed to show me how much you love me in every way! This year has only brought us closer together and I have no doubt that you will be wheeling me around one day in my chair, sitting me on the porch with you while we people watch and talk me into the sunset about sports that I don’t watch! Ha….I love you Mr. Borden….
Marriage is beautiful but it isn’t always easy. The goal is to have a partner in your life that has your back more then anyone else, and that person becomes your home. I know no matter where he is, that is where I”ll be. He never has to worry about not having my support and unconditional love. That comes easy. But he will also have my patience, and understanding. He will have my devotion and my time. Those things are what I will always strive to perfect because he is worthy of it all.
I have learned more about myself then I ever have this year. I learned that although I know I am a giver, I can always give more. I have learned that I don’t want to stop growing, but now I have someone to grow with. I have learned that marriage is days of selflessness, communication, choosing to stay in the moment and vowing to never allow the other person feel like they are in this alone. I know Brian and I have the foundation to get us through all of the tough times in life. And although I would love nothing more then to be on vacation with him right now, I know that we are moving our family onto a better future and once settled we are booking that vacation!!!
Thank you all for following our journey thus far!!! I hope you enjoyed our little Q&A and now we hope you enjoy our anniversary pictures!!! We have decided that we want to start the tradition of me putting on my wedding dress every year and styling it for what is on trend. This year we went with a boho look and i’m in LOVE!!! The location was perfect, Brian looked AMAZING in his linen shirt and the floral pocket square I gifted him on our wedding day. And I loved pairing my dress with a thick brown belt, hat and boho duster. I can’t wait to look back on years of these photos, as we change and evolve and smile at our love story!!! Oh and I made younger two kids agree no matter what is going on in their lives, they have to come home during the summer and photograph these for us!! So it’s truly a win/win for me lol!!! Have a blessed day everyone and enjoy our pics taken by my youngest son Mayson!
Hugs and kisses,